Humorous Content

Keef on beauty and skulls

Skulls remind us that underneath it all, we are all the same. Beauty is only skin-deep.

Keith Richards

Humorous Content

Humorous Content

Keef on imitation and the blues

I say good luck to people who want to emulate me, but they better realize what they're getting into; they better know that there's more to this than attitude. It's about the music; it's about the blues. That's what sustains me.

Keith Richards

Humorous Content

Keef on vomiting protocol

I learned how to puke properly. First, find a receptacle if you can -- that's rule number one. You eject it in a stream -- a Technicolor yawn, parking a tiger. At the same time, you're taking a crap. Which is kind of difficult to do. If you can do that, I'll put you in Cirque du Soleil.

Keith Richards

Humorous Content

Keef on parenting

I've done a lot of dadding. Whoo, I tell you what -- it grows you up pretty quick when that little bugger starts waking up. Suddenly there's this little cute ball of stuff yelling its head off -- boom! Snap to! Oh, man, I better take care of this.

Keith Richards

Keef on Women and complications

Women are a beautiful complication, and I look forward to far more beauties and far more complications.

Keith Richards

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Humorous Content

Humorous Content

Humorous Content

Humorous Content

Humorous Content

Keef on religion and killing

We’re the only form of life on this planet that needs religion, that will actually kill each other over some abstract idea.

Keith Richards

What He Said - Conan the Barbarian on the things that are best in life.

To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of their women

Arnold Schwarzenegger (as Conan the Barbarian) in Conan the Barbarian

Keef on the language of music

Music is a language that doesn’t speak in particular words. It speaks in emotions, and if it’s in the bones, it’s in the bones.

Keith Richards

What He Said - Crash Davis about what he believes in

Well, I believe in the soul. The cock. The pussy. The small of a woman’s back. The hanging curveball. High fiber. Good scotch. That the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a Constitutional Amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas eve. And I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days. Goodnight.

Kevin Coster (as Crash Davis) in Bull Durham

Imponderables #1011

Have you ever wondered...whether rhinoceroses are just old, fat unicorns?

Keef on religion and the public library

When you are growing up there are two institutional places that affect you most powerfully: the church, which belongs to God, and the public library, which belongs to you.

Keith Richards

Humorous Content

Keef on authority and rebellion

If you’re going to kick authority in the teeth, you might as well use two feet.

Keith Richards

Imponderables #34

Have you ever wondered...if winners never quit and quitters never win then why should you 'quit while your ahead?'

Keef on confession and avoidance

You can’t accuse me of anything I haven’t already confessed to.

Keith Richards

Humorous Content

1 sperm has 37.5MB of DNA information in it.
That means a normal ejaculation represents a data transfer of approximately 467936.2 GB a second...
...and you thought Virgin Broadband was fast!

Humorous Content

Keef on the musician's medium

A painter’s got a canvas. The writer’s got reams of empty paper. A musician has silence.

Keith Richards

Humorous Content

Punctuation: The difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.

Imponderables #109

Have you ever wondered...why does the word monosyllabic contain five syllables?

Humorous Content

Keef on Bible study

I read the Bible sometimes, but it bores me to death. I just want to know what other people find so bloody fascinating.

Keith Richards

Imponderables #73

Have you ever wondered...why is there an 's' in lisp?

Humorous Content

Keef on dealing with life

To me, life is a wild animal. You hope to deal with it when it leaps at you.

Keith Richards

Humorous Content

Imponderables #66

Have you ever wondered...why 'mnemonic' is such a hard word to remember?

Keef on over-dose etiquette

I’ve never turned blue in someone else’s bathroom. I consider that the height of bad manners.

Keith Richards

Imponderables #119

Have you ever wondered...why phonetically is not spelt phonetically?

Keef on trepannation

Yes, I’ve been trepanned. I’ve got pictures of it. They cut my head, brain, skull open, went in and pulled out the crap and put some back in again..

Keith Richards

Humorous Content

Keef on death, drugs and parental relationships

I snorted my father. He was cremated and I couldn’t resist grinding him up in little bits of blow. My dad wouldn’t have cared. It went down pretty well and I’m still alive.

Keith Richards

Fun Fact #270

St Valentine's day is celebrated pretty much universally throughout Christendom on 14 February.  Little if anything is known of the real Valentine and he may in fact be a portmanteau of several Roman Martyrs bearing that name.  The traditional story is that Valentinus was a priest in Rome during the reign of Claudius Gothicus (Claudius II) at which time Christians were being persecuted and aiding Christians was a crime.  Valentinus is reputed to have aided young Christian couples by marrying them in secret against imperial edict.  At any event Valentinus was discovered and imprisoned for his crimes but because the Emperor had grown fond of him was treated well whilst imprisoned.  That is until he tried to convert the Emperor to Christianity at which point he was condemned to death. Initially it was attempted to beat him to death with stones and clubs but when that did not do the job he was beheaded outside the Flaminian Gate.  The year of his execution is uncertain with dates of 269, 270 and 273 AD being given.  He is reputed to have been buried on 14 February hence that date has become St Valentine's Day.  Not only is St Valentine the patron saint of betrothed lovers he is also the patron saint of beekeepers, of happy marriages and the patron saint against epilepsy, plague and fainting. True Story.

Humorous Content

Keef on his definition of Rock & Roll

Rock and Roll: Music for the neck downwards.

Keith Richards

When will I, will I be famous?...Germaine Greer

Before she wrote the book that changed it all for Germaine Greer she had a couple of unsuccessful tilts at fame.  She tried her hand at becoming a TV personality by co-hosting a 1967 TV show which came to nothing called Twice a Fortnight.  Despite her co-hosts being Monty Python's Michael Palin and the future Goodies Graham Garden and Bill Oddie the show failed to launch her to stardom.

Keef on the problems caused by drugs and police

Let me be clear about this. I don't have a drug problem. I have a police problem.

Keith Richards

Fun Fact #99

The Australian Wallabies Rugby Union team became the first team to win the Rugby World Cup twice having previously won the Webb Ellis Cup in 1991.  During the course of the 1999 tournament only a single try was scored against the Wallabies.  That try was scored by American Eagles centre Juan Grobler during a pool match.  True Story.

Humorous Content

How do you make a pound of fat look attractive?

Keef on Michael Jackson and Life

I outlived Michael Jackson...Bet you didn't see that coming.

Keith Richards

Cunninglinguisms - Biographical Leverage

Biographical Leverage

A euphemistic sanitisation of 'blackmail'

This is the sort of double-speak of which Sir Humphrey Appleby would be rightly proud.  Basically to use information about your past to extract a benefit or advantage from or over you.

Thanks to Category Zero

Imponderables #142

Have you ever wondered...how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could in fact chuck wood?

Fun Fact #15

The reigning Olympic Rugby Union champions are the United States of America. Rugby was last contested in the Olympic Games in 1924 at which games the United States of America successfully defended their title as reigning Olympic Rugby Union Champions.  True Story.

Fay Wray - How do we love thee let us count the ways.

Canadian born Fay Wray was a star of both silent and talkie movies and one of the more successful stars to make that transition.

In a career spanning 57 years Wray starred mostly in horror movies earning her the status of Hollywood's first 'scream queen' setting the template for the type ever since.

Rita Hayworth - How do we love thee let us count the ways.

Rita Hayworth's potential was obvious at an early age.  In 1935 at age 17 she had already signed a short term studio contract with Fox . By 19 she had signed on with Colombia Studios.

From those early beginnings in the mid-1930s RIta Hayworth would finish the 1940s as one of Hollywood's major stars.

Rita Hayworth aolong side Betty Grable and other 1930s and 40s bombshells graced the footlockers and barrack walls of many an enlisted soldier during World War II.

Her crowning glory, however, was her fiery auburn mane of hair which set her appart from the stereotypical blonde bombshells and sultry brunettes in movies such as Gilda famous for it's one glove striptease, the Loves of Carmen and the Lady from Shanghai .

Humorous Content

Cunninglinguisms - Canned Goods

Canned Goods

Euphemistic reference to a virgin

Hedy Lamarr - How do we love thee let us count the ways.

Hedy Lamarr was, in every sense of the word, a superstar.  She was a groundbreaking actress, a libertine, a bon vivant, a marvelously inteligent woman who during her lifetime had six husbands.

She was the co-inventor of the frquency swithching technology that we still use in mobile phones and wireless internet today.  She was the first actress to appear completely nude in a main stream feature. The film was a Czech production made in 1933 entitled Ecstacy.

Aside from all the groundbreaking pioneering work she did in the area of motion pictures and her work in spread frequency radio she was incredibly hot.  She was once referred to as the World's Most Beautiful Woman and not without cause.

Humorous Content

Cunninglinguisms - butterface

butterface
Butterface refers to a woman who has a hot body but does not have the face to match.
I have heard this expression used in relation to many many women including by myself.  Now a butterface doesn't necessarily mean that the lady in question is ugly or even unattractive but it does mean that the face does not conform to the hotness of the otherwise smoking hot body of the subject under scrutiny.  
example
Jim - How was your date with your sister's freind?  Was she hot? 
John - She had a smoking body but she was a bit of a butterface which was a shame.


(see also - bakku-shan)

Imponderables #10

Have you ever wondered...why is it that the needle for execution by lethal injection is sterilised?

Humorous Content

Where do Jewish kids with Attention Deficit Disorder get sent?

Cunninglinguisms - bakku-shan

bakku-shan
A woman who appears attractive from behind but is not when viewed from the front.
The Japanese are a wonderful people and they have provided this term for us to use in those circumstances we all encounter from time to time where we see a smoking hot chick from behind only to find out that she's been beaten with the ugly stick when viewed from the front.


(See also - butterface)

Imponderables #13

Have you ever wondered...If the temperature is zero degrees outside and the weather bureau says it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow how cold is that?

Fun Fact #1911

In the 1920s and 1930s the term 'Muggle' was used as a slang term for marijuana.  True Story.

Humorous Content

There are 10 kinds of people in the world

Those who understand binary and those who do not.

Fun Fact #2

The speed of light through a vacuum is 299,792,458 m/s.  True Story.

Humorous Content

February 2 is International Ballerina Day - Help celebrate IBD by making a ballerina's day.

Humorous Content

What's long and hard and fucks retards?

Fun Fact #1104

The German language is often criticised for being unromantic.  One example of the want of sensulaity in the German language which is often cited is that German has no unique word for nipple. Instead the German term for the nipple (actually nipples) is a portmanteau of the German word for breast - brust and the German word for warts - warze or brustwarze.  True Story.